Andie Won’t Let Us Hold Her - Carole Wilbourn
Carole Wilbourn, The Cat Therapist, has been the leading voice in feline therapy for over 5 decades. She has helped thousands of cat moms and dads explore, face, and resolve cat behavioral and health issues. Carole is truly the most trusted Cat Therapist in the United States.
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30 Jun Andie Won’t Let Us Hold Her

Posted at 22:55h in Blog by

Andie’s Story …
(Fear of Intimacy)

Andie at bedtime – relaxation time

“Our Andie is so, so affectionate until we try to pick her up,” said Emily. She’s been our cat for four years and is now an alleged eight.”
Emily and Ty had scheduled a FaceTime session so I could give them a treatment plan to defuse Andie’s “fear of intimacy”.  As I watched Andie react to their touch, she clearly welcomed it. But this was attention at a distance. Unlike when she was picked up or held.  That’s when she felt threatened or captive.

“Why?  She must know we would never hurt her, and she obviously likes us,” said Ty.
“That she does,” I said. But I explained that when Andie became overwhelmed or over stimulated, because of the intensity, even if it was something friendly, she relived early uncomfortable feelings in her muscle memory that made her fearful, and she resorted to “flight”.
“Do you think she was abused? said Emily.

Early Kitten Deprivation
I told them that it was more likely Andie’s fear was a result of how healthy her parents were when they mated, the gestation period and her relationship with the mama cat and kittens when she was nursed.  Maybe she didn’t get the “pick of the nipples” or the mama was unable to nurse.

Abandonment Syndrome
Andie was adopted from The Golden Paw Society, a rescue group, whose facility was a house. They accepted older cats who couldn’t adapt to shelters. Abandonment added to Andie’s fear of intimacy.  True, there are many rescued cats who don’t have Andie’s fear, but Andie is an emotionally thin-skinned cat which makes her more vulnerable.  So when the situation becomes intense, she retreats.

“So how can we re-program or blot out Andie’s troubling muscle memory?” said Ty. “What’s the prognosis?”
I explained that as we slowly and steadily increase Andie’s integration of positive stimuli, they will dull her automatic traumatic muscle memory, and her acceptance/tolerance of intimacy will increase.

Andie’s Treatment Plan For Increased Acceptance Of Intimacy

  • Andie sleeps beside you at bedtime because your body is relaxed, so stretch out on the floor with a blanket over you to recreate the relaxation at bedtime. If she appears to want affection, stroke her briefly. Don’t wait for her to resist. “Stop before she stops you!” This will create a happy or positive association. Repeat this at least once a day. Soon she may join you on the couch or a comfy chair.
  • Whenever you stroke or pick Andie up, remember to stop before she stops you. Don’t wait for her tail to wag, body to ripple or a sudden meow. It’s better to have a fleeting good feeling than to reinforce her fear of close contact.
  • Place a box with tissue paper on your lap or next to you so Andie can climb in.
  • Affirmation — tell her she’s becoming so cuddly. Let’s chip away at her fear of intimacy. New dialog!
  • Andie’s a catnip lover, so you can give her catnip a few times a week, more if she wants it. Catnip Garden is a fave of many cats. The nip will act to relax her after a rush of playfulness.
  • Remember to remind your cat-lover visitors to ignore Andie if they want to see her. She prefers to hang out with company who ignore her so she isn’t threatened.

Our Wrap-up
“Andie seems to like the link of music you’ve sent us,” said Ty. “ How often to play it?”
I explained that 24/7 would be great. The music is a security object for Andie and will recreate the relaxation feelings from her video session. The more she relaxes, the more she’ll be flooded with relaxed feelings and reactions. Think of it as soft background music to any of your other devices.

Andie settles in as I give distant Reiki

Andie’s video session ended with a distant Reiki treatment to balance and refresh her mind body and spirit. I reminded them that repetition, patience and focus would give their Andie the confidence to become more of a “cuddle cat”.

They shouldn’t rush. A paw at a time is a cat’s mantra.  Let Andie’s timeline, not theirs,  be their guide.  And to remember that ultimately each cat has its own individual boundary for intimacy and affection.

 

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